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MATTHEW

Matthew is a wild mountain man who really hates getting up before dawn. He also hates cycling into a headwind and he especially hates being ruled by morons. Indeed, he's not all that keen on being ruled at all. So much so, in fact, that he's actually declared Beeview Farm to be an independent sovereign state (Beeviewshire) and himself to be King Matthew the Frustrated, Lord of some Flies. It wasn't even all that hard. He just announced it here as bit of a joke and now some local idiots are currently whining about it like spanked children:

"He's claiming to be King of Beeviewshire! How awful! Someone stop him!"

Being King is a real rush by the way. The freedom to rule and disobey yourself as you see fit is really quite liberating (I guess this makes him an anarchist. Not in a black bloc type of way where you run around around beating up cash machines, but in a more classical way, where any restriction of freedom, be it slavery to a monarch, the rule of law or, perhaps most sinister of all, the tyranny of the herd, is exactly that: a restriction of freedom).

​He likes goading vicious fools, pretty sunsets and that youtube video where the baby panda sneezes and his hobbies include firewalking in paper-mâché wellies and skydiving in a cling film parachute and concrete underpants.


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